Story Lover

by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman

I first saw this book at Indigo when I was shelving other titles and what got me was Po Bronson’s name. I’ve read 2 of his previous books and really fell in love with not only what he had to say, but the fact that he didn’t say it all. Most of his first 2 books were accounts from other people’s lives. They were simply answering a question that he proposed to them. This book was a bit different, but I still really enjoyed the way the information was presented. Here are little summaries of each of the chapters. Definitely should reread some of these chapters as the Bunny grows up. Especially Chapter 8, 9 and 10.

1. The Inverse Power of Praise: Sure, he’s special. But new research suggests if you tell him that, you’ll ruin him. It’s a neurobiological fact. I had heard something along these lines before. I think Jess was telling me about it. And I think this one, above all else, really resonated with me. I think effort and its adult counterpart, work ethic, are much more important than base smarts or intelligence. True character is drawn from working for something, not having it already. They noted that it’s important to give focused and specific praise based on effort, not smarts.

2. The Lost Hour: Around the world, children get an hour less sleep than they did thirty years ago. The cost: IQ points, emotional well-being, ADHD, and obesity. I thought this chapter was pretty fascinating as well. They reported kids as young as 10 years old having emotional breakdowns because their lack of sleep wouldn’t allow them to process their emotions or cope with stress. Apparently this is especially important for high school aged adolescents and that some schools throughout the US have adopted later starting times to allow kids to sleep longer. They claim that a lot of the stereotypical teen behavior are also characteristics of chronic fatigue. Interesting. The most interesting thing was that during sleep, negative memories are processed by the amygdala (which remains unaffected during sleep deprivation), while positive and neutral memories are processed by the hippocampus (which is hit hard by sleep deprivation), so people who don’t get enough sleep have no problem recalling negative memories and struggle with pleasant ones. I wonder if that’s why I have so many argh moments.

3. Why White Parents Don’t Talk About Race: Does teaching children about race and skin color make them better off or worse? I thought this chapter was the most uncomfortable by far. I can understand why parents have such a hard time talking to their children about race, you just never really know what’s right or wrong to say. I think that by being a visible minority, I get a bit of leeway, but not much. One study was pretty fascinating though. They took a preschool class and arbitrarily divided it and gave one half red t-shirts and the other half blue t-shirts. Over time, when asked, the children would reply that all the kids from their own colored shirt team were nice or smart, but that only some of the kids from the other colored shirt team were nice or smart. They instinctively divided the kids into us and them. Researchers claim that they same is happening with race and that by not talking about it, we’re leaving kids to make up their own minds and assumptions, leading to the us and them mentality. Also, that the more diverse and large a population is, the more likely you’ll get kids to cling or cliche with kids of their own race, rather than making friends with kids of other races.

4. Why Kids Lie: We may treasure honesty, but the research is clear. Most classic strategies to promote truthfulness just encourage kids to be better liars. Honesty was always a huge thing in my house growing up. My dad would literally go berserk if he thought we were lying to him. And what the researchers find interesting is how parents teach their kids to lie in some situations (to be polite or not hurt another’s feelings), yet continuously tell their kids that it’s not right to lie. They say that this sends mixed messages, especially if kids see their parents engaged in little white lies themselves. most of the time kids lie to avoid punishment or to please their parents. So apparently the best scenario is to enforce the worth and value of honesty by telling your kids it will make you happy if they told the truth and to try and remove the fear of punishment. They use George Washington and the story of the cherry tree as a prime example.

5. The Search for Intelligent Life in Kindergarten: Millions of kids are competing for seats in gifted programs and private schools. Admissions officers say it’s an art: new science says they’re wrong, 73% of the time. I didn’t think this one was as interesting. It seemed completely fascinated by the idea that rooting out a gifted child was super important and the right thing to do. I do think it’s crazy to think that you can find a gifted child at age 5 and they’ll stay gifted all their lives. It’s also crazy to think that children don’t evolve into their gifts at later ages. I think effort has a lot more to do with being gifted than base smarts and that children who work hard can absorb and progress just as well as children who are gifted.

6. The Sibling Effect: Freud was wrong. Shakespeare was right. Why siblings really fight. I got a little confused on this one. But it was really interesting to learn that siblings don’t fight because they’re jealous of their parents attention of one another. Looking back on my childhood, I don’t really remember that many fights. There were moments of jealousy, but not anything that dug in deep and festered. My brother was a major stink, but I think it was more because he was bored and I was just too easy of a victim. The lessons I’ve come away with are that siblings fight because they know that their brother or sister will be there the next day and the day after (while friends can come and go as they wish), they fight over things and that things aren’t always fair and they fight over previous fights. It’s important to teach siblings how to get along and care for one another.

7. The Science of Teen Rebellion: Why, for adolescents, arguing with adults is a sing of respect, not disrespect – and arguing is constructive to the relationship, not destructive. One researcher (Linda Caldwell) found that if you can teach teenagers how to NOT be bored, they are less likely to turn to drugs, sex and mischief for entertainment. And that it’s not the parent’s job to over schedule their children to try and prevent boredom, that usually just makes them more likely to get bored. I also thought it was really fascinating that if a teenager argues with their parents, it’s more a form of respect than disrespect. And that makes a lot of sense to me. It’s only with very close friends that I’d bother confronting them about something that bothered me or hurt me. I wouldn’t bother with a stranger or someone I didn’t care about to begin with. The same is true with kids and confronting their parents. If they didn’t have some respect and comfort with them in the first place, they wouldn’t even bother. They’d just go right ahead and do what they wanted in the first place. It’s important though for the parent to compromise when their teen makes a valid argument though, because if parents stay too firm on things because their stubborn, it will erode their teen’s respect and willingness to confront them.

8. Can Self-Control Be Taught? Developers of a new kind of preschool keep losing their grant money – the students are so successful they’re no longer “at-risk enough” to warrant further study. What’s their secret? I wonder if they have Tools of the Mind programs in Toronto. I want the Bunny to go to one. I wonder if the all-day kindergarten classes that have started in Toronto incorporate some of these tactics. Things to keep in mind for the Bunny: individual ‘play plans’ (outlines for what they’re going to do or play over the upcoming hour or day), letting kids choose their role in upcoming activities (because motivated kids will focus and sustain play and activity longer than unmotivated or forced kids), ‘clean-up song’ (specific song that when played kids immediately know they should start cleaning up and they also know how much longer they have because they’re familiar with the song), ‘buddy reading’ (read to the Bunny and afterward give the book to the Bunny and have them tell the story back to me), ‘private speech’ (where they talk to themselves on what to do, eventually they’ll internalize the dialogue, example: Start at the top and go around…) and play Simon Says (helps kids learn restraint).

9. Plays Well with Others: Why modern involved parenting has failed to produce a generation of angels. Interesting observation that childrens’ educational videos are actually teaching them bad social interaction. Most educational videos start with a negative interaction, like one character teasing or hurting another character; and end with the two characters reconciling. However, because children don’t remember something that happened half an hour ago, all they were really absorbing were more and more ways to be hurtful to each other. Researchers found this to be almost more detrimental to kids than watching violent shows. It’s important for kids to see their parents resolve conflict. So, if you start an argument in front of your kids, finish it in front of them as well, otherwise they never understand that people who love each other can work things out. Kids who are empathetic and understand the feelings of their peers can manipulate them just as well as they can console them. Jails are full of people who have empathetic sympathies than the general population. Try to integrate kids with other age groups, because otherwise it’s just the 12 year olds leading other 12 year olds.

10. Why Hannah Talks and Alyssa Doesn’t: Despite scientists’ admonitions, parents still spend billions every year on gimmicks and videos, hoping to jump-start infants’ language skills. What’s the right way to accomplish this goal? Baby Einstein videos don’t work. It’s important for parents to respond immediately to a child’s sounds. Touch or verbal response are both important to progress vocalization and later verbalization. Pay attention to your child and follow their lead (respond to what they’re looking at), rather than lead them (by telling them what to look at). When teaching them a new word by object, move the object around and say the word in a sing song manner. Have different people say the same words, kids learn what’s the same by weeding out the differences (such as voice, tone, intonation). Don’t crisscross words by assuming you know what the child is saying. If it says bah bah, it probably doesn’t mean bottle, especially when it’s holding and looking at a spoon. They’re just sounds. Respond to the spoon. Otherwise, the kid will think the spoon is called bottle. Kids remember and learn the last word best. So change the sentence structure around a bit so that the subject is sometimes the object and the object is sometimes the subject.

by Abby McDonald

Wasn’t anything special, but I enjoyed the book. Sometimes when we take things to the extreme, it’s a cover up for something else. I have noticed that a lot in my own behavior. If I get super obsessed with something, it’s usually to keep myself from over thinking or dealing with something else. And I guess that’s how Jenna became an environmentalist, she was filling the lonely void she felt when she began high school. But eventually you have to deal with the things that you’re trying hard to avoid and going up to BC ended up being that perfect opportunity for her. Plus, sometimes seeing someone who’s a bit more extreme than you can always exaggerate your own actions.

by Rick Smith & Bruce Lourie

Fascinating book. For something pretty technical and, let’s face it, scary, this book was quite an easy read. I kind of just flew through it. It’s pretty disturbing how many uninvited chemicals have become a permanent fixture in our lives. The amount of chemicals that are active hormone disruptors is shocking and they’re everywhere. One of the things that I found pretty fascinating was that all we can do is decrease the level of these chemicals in our lives. We cannot completely eliminate them.

This might not have been the best book to read while pregnant, because it could I guess freak me out. But I feel like it’s better now, than later, when everything has been said and done. I can take precautions now to try and decrease my exposure to some of these hormone disrupting chemicals that can cause anything from birth defects to cancer. What better way to look out for the Bunny? But I do wish I had read this before I stocked up on a bunch of shampoos, soaps and dishwashing detergents. Now I’m not sure if I can return them or if I should just give it all away and start over.

by Sara Zarr

I really like what she decides to write about. Her books aren’t fluffy, they aren’t shallow, yet at the same time she hasn’t crossed into this sick territory where everything is extreme. I think she writes about realities that could affect any one of us at some point in our lives. I hope she continues to write and that more and more people pick up her books. None of them are so overwhelming to make the bestsellers lists, but they’re solid and good. Sweethearts I think is her best so far.

I really like how in this story she challenges faith. I remember when I was younger I just believed. I got confirmed and went to church and sang my little heart out. I even went to extra youth groups (although looking back that might have been more of a social decision). But when my mom died, all those assumptions, all that supposed faith, were challenged. And I kind of never went back.

I remember once my cousin Max told me that he didn’t go to church because of faith, he went because of community. And at the time I thought it was ironic that you had to pretend to believe in order to be a part of something. It makes me wonder, how much else do we pretend to support or believe so that we belong?

“I wish I understood what happened between then and now. I wish there was a way to put your finger on the map of life and trace backwards, to figure out exactly when things had changed so much…”

“That life is never really private, that it’s something other people look at and wonder about and make their conclusions based on what really might just be the tip of the iceberg.”

by Carl Hiaasen

His kid books are so great, it kind of makes me wonder what his adult books are like. And I think that whoever does his covers does a great job. The covers are simple, humorous and strongly hint to the content of the book. I love the colorfulness and the simple graphics. The adult book covers have similar characteristics (especially the typeface of his name), but they lack the strong, simplistic graphics that I really appreciate in his kid books.

Hoot was pretty enjoyable and I feel like Hiaasen has kind of found himself a formula. Boy learns of some wrong doing to the environment and becomes the hero in small ways by saving the environment from some ridiculous bad guy. I do think at times the books and the protagonists are a little too righteous and perfect. The good guy is always good and the bad guy is always bad. But I guess for 9-12 year olds, that kind of black and white contrast might be necessary.

by Wendelin Van Draanen

I really like her books. She also wrote Flipped, which was cute and entertaining. Her books remind me of Sarah Dessen’s books, characters who are intelligent and have substance, but are going through something tough or challenging. I have to say though that the hardcover cover (on the left) is pretty bad and I think too kiddy. I like the paperback version (on the right) much much more. Adds a little more tact to the whole thing. I think it’s bad enough to be caught reading a book called Confessions of a Serial Kisser, but then to get stuck holding onto something so horrid looking takes the cake.

I remember how I didn’t really deal with a lot of the conflicting thoughts and confusion I experienced after my mom died. I felt like I had to keep everything together, remain that somewhat ‘perfect’ daughter and just keep my shit in line. I spent a lot of energy and time acting like I was okay and for awhile I pulled it off. I think it wasn’t until I got to college that I realized, hey, I never really dealt with all that pain and in reality, the huge fear that I could lose another beloved family member, or even worse, I too one day might lose my partner in life. And I think I clung on a little too tightly to people and things that you can never really ever have forever anyway. Life is a cycle and some thing revolve with you, while other things you just have to let go and move on from. And maybe that’s something I just now have gotten around to learning.

What I liked the most about the book and the main character, Evangeline, is that she learned that she wasn’t perfect. That being on a high horse doesn’t make you immune to the muck on the ground. It still gets kicked up from time to time. And I liked how she learned to get to know herself and to get to know the people around her and that a crimson kiss is all in the build-up, not just in the rush of it all.

by Sara Zarr

I really like her stuff. And this book makes me think of lives I’ll never live. Mistakes that I may never make, but at times, you feel like they could have been your own. It kind of made me think of my own family. Diane and Brian have such a different relationship with my dad than I do and I think it’s because I don’t back down, I don’t muck around in the details. I’ve learned that over time all you really have to do sometimes is not back down. Speak your mind and not give up. I guess that’s how I do it with my dad. That’s how I did it with Casey. And I’m really glad I stuck with it, because a life without family would be a pretty lonely life.

And I do wonder, is there an expiry date on forgiveness? Is there ever a point when you can’t go back and confront someone who has hurt you? Sometimes I really wondered about that with the Reconciliation attempts they were doing in South Africa. Could forgiveness and the witnessing of sins be enough to move on? Can that make things right? I don’t think I’ve ever been asked for forgiveness, I know I have asked for it in the past. But I wonder, how long are you even able to hold on to things before they destroy you?

“And you will, eventually. Only, don’t mistake a new place for a new you. I’ve done that more than once. You asked me before why I stay here. Maybe that’s why,” he said, “now that I think about it. Might as well deal with myself right here. It’s as good a place as any.”

by Carl Hiaasen

I thought this book had a lot of the same qualities of Flipped. The simple, almost picturesque families and the moral hurdles that are often encountered during childhood, yet they might not seem like that at the time. I guess the thing that kept me going through the book, wasn’t so much to find out what happened to the owls. You kind of know that they’ll be okay. But I guess I was equally intrigued with this boy, Mullet Fingers. I guess I know what it’s like to find yourself drawn to a character that you just can’t really figure out. Someone who seems at the same time larger than life and just flawed. I wanted it to end well for the Roy. I wanted him to keep his friend and that magic.

One of the things that really caught my attention was Roy’s sense of obligation to his parents. He remembers a time when his mother was pregnant and that he would have had a little sister had things gone well. And somehow over the course of childhood, he felt like he owed it to his parents to live for both himself and his sister. Because without him, they’d have nothing. And I thought that that was very touching, yet at the same time, quite a heavy burden for a child. I remember similarly thinking of myself in those terms. How I should always live up to the gift I had been given. That I was one of the lucky ones, one of the children who got to have a family, got a second chance, got to have love. And I shouldn’t waste it or neglect it or take it for granted. Maybe that’s why I always feel so sad and empty when my family just can’t ever seem to get together.